In Responce to "Faith Healing"...

I came upon this quote last week:

"Our Substitute bore both our sins and our sicknesses that we might be delivered from them. Christ's bearing of our sins and sicknesses is surely a valid reason for trusting Him now for deliverance from both." F.F. Bosworth

I can't disagree with this assumption more. It is based on this verse:

"Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all." (Isaiah 53:4-6)

So, am I saying I don't agree with this verse? No. What I disagree with is the belief that somehow this verse guarantees instant healing. Most people, who believe this, also believe that if instant healing doesn't come then it is the fault of the supplicant, that they must not have enough faith.

Nowhere in this verse do I see a promise for instant healing. Nor do I find that promise anywhere else in the bible. In fact I see this in the scriptures:

"Now if we are children, then we are heirs--heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory." (Romans 8:17, NIV)

" I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed." (Romans 8:18-19, NIV)

"Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:10, NAS)

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day." (2 Corinthians 4:16, NIV)

I'm not saying the promise isn't real. He did bear our sorrows and iniquity and by his stripes we are healed. But, I don't see anything in the promise that makes it a now thing. A promise delayed is still a promise. Isn't that what Hebrews 11 is all about?

"All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth." (Hebrews 11:13, NIV)

The Promised Land was promised to the Israelites, it was theirs, yet it took 40 years for them to get there. God's promises are no less true because we have to wait for them.

I know my healing is promised. I just have to wait for God to give it to me. In His time, not mine, and how much faith I have or don't have won't stop God from doing His will in my life. That's where grace comes in. He is giving me what I don't deserve: love, forgiveness, strength, power...the fruit of the Spirit. His grace isn't based on anything I do or don't do. Grace is exactly what it is, undeserved love. I deserve death. What I get is grace.

.Instant healing is not for everyone this side of heaven. For some of us, including me, it is the pain and illness that allows me to be the best witnesses in this world. It also allows us to better weep with a hurting world. I am called to do this as much as any calling God gives.

"I am healed of the need to be healed." From an interview with football coach with ALS

The Parade...

The pastor who discipled me (John Langlois) taught me well and left me with many truths that I still hold onto today. He had an amazing gift of making biblical truths real and relevant. I was reminded of one of those truths a few days ago by something a friend said. It is a truth on perspective and how it effects the attitudes I have in my life.

My life is like a parade and I am stuck watching the parade from behind a fence, with only a knothole to see it through. That means my view on life is what I have already seen and what is going by at the moment. I can’t see what is coming or how long the parade will last. I also can’t see anything that came before I started watching.

God, because he is omniscient (all knowing), sees the parade from over the top of the fence, from beginning to end. Not only does he see the parade, he also planned the parade and is over-seeing its progress. Nothing happens in the parade that he hasn’t planned or allowed to happen.

This analogy helps me maintain perspective. It reminds that what I see and experience now is only a small part of the big picture or, as one theologian (C.S. Lewis I think) observed, if it were a book, my life would be the first letter of the first word on the first page of a three volume set (and from an eternal point of view that is minuscule). It helps me most when I am hurting or suffering because it helps me see that this life is momentary and that what I am suffering now will be greatly outweighed by the eternal glory God has promised me. The Bible puts it this way:

“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.” (Romans 8:18, NIV)

It’s also nice to know that someone bigger than me is in charge and that he knows what is going to happen. I can trust him because he loves me. I can put the parade of my life into his capable hands and sit back and watch what is going to happen next. I know that he is here with me and that he is giving me the strength I need to live. As the parade passes by, he is here giving it meaning.

"God is too good to be unkind. He is too wise to be mistaken. If I cannot trace His hand, I can always trust His heart." - C. H. Spurgeon

"Blessings"...

A friend shared this song by Laura Story with me. Thanks Ellen. Now I think I'll go buy it to download.

A Quote on Suffering...

"There are certainly things in this life that God can reveal to us only in the midst of adversity. There are hidden places deep in our souls He can reach only through our suffering." Mary Nelson

The Truths That Sustain: Truth #2...

Truth #1 was - His Amazing Love: He loves me more than I’ll ever know. In Truth #1, I talked about God’s love, that it is never-ending, all forgiving, always patient, unconditional and sacrificial.

His love is amazing, but when we add power to His love we realize that everything that happens in our lives is in His loving/powerful hands. It means that I can trust Him to do and allow only what is best for me, despite what it feels like to me.

How can anyone trust a god who is loving, but has no power to back it up? Some people would like us to believe that God is loving, but He is powerless. They believe that, because it is their way of dealing with the wrongs of the world. “Well, of course God loves us, but He doesn’t have the power to control the bad in this world. If He was powerful enough He wouldn’t let bad things happen, would He?” It’s a good question. One that I hope to answer with this and future truths.

First, let’s establish the fact that God is all-powerful or omnipotent, as the Bible tells us. More specifically, He is in control, or has power, over my life.

Truth #2 – He Is In Control: There is never a moment when He isn’t in control.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11, NIV

“Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” Psalm 139:16, NIV

"For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together." Colossians 1:16-17, NIV

If He is in control, of both the big and the small, then I can let go of the tight hold I have on my life. My loving, powerful, heavenly Daddy is already at work, using the bad and the good in my life for my best.

"You scrutinize my path and my lying down, and are intimately acquainted with all my ways." Psalm 139:3, NAS

“You scrutinize my path,” is more accurately, “you winnow, ventilate, or sift my path.” This verse is literally saying that everything that happens to me is sifted through His loving/powerful hands. Everything, yes everything, happens because He has allowed it or caused it to happen.

I’ll be honest, this truth both encourages me and scares me. As C. S. Lewis said, “We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.”

Thankfully, I am not expected to go through the bad times alone. I have a Helper and He gives me grace and peace to survive, but those are truths yet to come.

A Quote...

I want to share this quote with you:

"A violin-maker in the old days always chose the wood for his violins from the north side of the trees; it was the side upon which the wind and the storms had beaten. So he said when he heard the groaning of the trees in the forest at night he didn't feel sorry for them, for they were just learning to be violins." Unknown

I like thinking about how this applies to me. I see it as a picture of how God is forming me into what He wants me to be, something beautiful, something that sounds forth His glory. He is doing that through the wind and rain (hardship and pain) that He allows in my life.

I won't look at a violin the same way again. This story will stay with me and remind me of the instrument that God is forming me to be. An instrument of beauty and an instrument, that when the Master takes it up to play, will produce a lovely sound. I am waiting in His hands, waiting to be played.

The Truths That Sustain: Truth #1...

There are times when it is really hard for me to keep pushing forward, like when the pain is bad or when I’ve just lost another part of myself to the MS. At those times I have to put my mind on something else just to stay sane. Watching TV and reading help for awhile, but what I really need to do is to see my life from another prospective, from God’s prospective. There are 14 truths that I have found in the Bible that help me during trying times. Truths that keep me grounded. I want to share those truths with you, one at a time. I am hoping these truths will help you when you are discouraged or confused, hurting or mourning.

Truth #1 – His Amazing Love: He loves me more than I’ll ever know.

“But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus.” Ephesians 2:4-7 (NIV)

“See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! 1 John 1:3 (NIV)

God loves me. It is a sacrificial love, I know because He sent His son to die for me. It is a patient love, a love that is not demanding. His love was with me as I was formed in my mother’s womb. His love was with me before I gave my heart to Him (“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8) His love forgives. His love never ends.

Because He loves me I know that everything happens to me for a reason, whether I understand it or not. His love is a guarantee that everything happens for my good. (“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

Of course His love wouldn’t mean much if He didn’t have the power to back it up. Some say God is all loving, but not all powerful. Others say He is all powerful, but not all loving. The truth is, He is both. The Bible makes that clear. My next truth will talk more about His power and control.

A Quote...

I think this goes well with my last post on pain:

"God uses broken things. It takes broken soil to produce a crop, broken clouds to give rain, broken grain to give bread, broken bread to give strength. It is the broken alabaster box that gives forth perfume…it is Peter, weeping bitterly, who returns to greater power than ever." Vance Havner

Pain has a purpose...

I was at the doctor last week Wednesday and had three different tests. My body was forced to do things that it has long forgotten how to do. You could say, that for my body being in the condition it is in, yesterday was the equivalent to someone running a marathon with no training. I was pushed to my limits.

Thursday and Friday I was feeling the effects and it hurt to just breathe. I could hardly hold my head up or stay awake.

Sometimes I’d like to ask God, “Does this really serve a purpose?” “Does it really have to be so hard?”

Those are good questions and the answers are yes. I’m not really willing to admit it when the pain is so bad I can’t think straight, but yes, it does serve a purpose and, yes, sometimes it is going to be that hard.

So, what possible reason does God have for allowing this pain in my life?

Pain makes me humble. Pain makes me more sympathetic to other people’s pain. Pain makes me yearn for heaven. In pain I can find fellowship with Christ and I can better understand His pain and the price He paid for my salvation.

Pain is healing me. It is healing me of pettiness and pride. It is healing me of self-reliance and reliance on earthly goods. It is healing me of perfectionism and empty pursuits. It is teaching me to find everything I need in Him. Through pain I am drawn closer to Him, because I need Him more in my pain.

God is using me, in the midst of my pain, to draw people to Him and to glorify Him. It’s easy to praise Him in the good times, but what really makes people take notice of Him… is when people see us praising Him in the midst of the bad times.

These heroes of faith really say it best, so I will let them speak as I close today’s blog.

"God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains; it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world." C. S. Lewis

“All who in this world render true service to God or man receive a preparatory training in the school of sorrow.” Ellen White, Education

“No healthy saint ever chooses suffering; he chooses God's will, as Jesus did, whether it means suffering or not.” Oswald Chambers, My Utmost For His Highest

On Disability...

I realized something this week. Everyone has a disability. Wait, really?

Wikipedia says, “A disability may be physical, cognitive, mental, sensory, emotional, developmental or some combination of these. Disabilities is an umbrella term, covering impairments, activity limitations, and participation restrictions.”

I would say, that the loose definition of disability is brokenness.

If we have a Christian worldview, we believe this world is broken and that we as people are broken. If that really is true then it makes sense that everyone has disabilities, or, places where they are broken.

Mike Warnke once had someone tell him that Christianity was a crutch. Mike told the guy that when you’re crippled you need a crutch. Mike knew that as humans we are crippled. We are crippled because we live in broken bodies in a broken world.

So, the church is really disabled people who have found their strength and support in Jesus Christ. The difference between the unsaved and us is that we have seen our need and found a savior and they haven’t. That’s all really.

People are disabled by many things: broken bodies, broken marriages, broken childhoods, broken dreams, broken relationships, broken homes, broken expectations, broken spirits, etc.

Some of our brokenness Jesus heals in this life, but healing for some of the brokenness will have to wait for heaven. Some of our brokenness will leave scares in this life, scares seen and unseen.

Most people can hide their disability, but I can’t, the wheelchair is kind of a giveaway, but don’t think that I’m the only one with a disability. As humans living in a broken world we all have disabilities, we are broken people, and only in Christ can we find the crutch to help us move forward in this world and to find a new world, after this one, where we will find the ultimate healing.

Longing for something more...

Last Friday my newly married daughter (two weeks) and her husband left for Belgium (his home country). It may be a whole year before I see them again. It will be a long year. I’m so thankful we have Skype and FaceBook and email, but it’s still not the same as seeing them and hugging them in person.

I hate good-byes. I especially hate good-byes when you’re not sure when you will see the person again. I’ve found that good-byes do serve a purpose, though, they create a longing in my heart, a longing for something more, for something better. Good-byes make me long for a place where there will be no more good-byes.

One of the things my illness has done for me, is it has given me more of a reason to long for heaven. I’m looking forward to being able to walk, run and dance again. I’ll be able to play my guitar again and don’t even get me started on the foods I can eat again. My husband thinks that the Wedding Feast of the Lamb is figurative. I told him, “It had better be real, because I’ve got my order ready.”

God wants us to long for heaven. He wants us to long for Him. When our sights are on heaven and on Him the things we have here become less important. When we are thinking of things eternal and have a “heaven bound” world view we see life differently, we see people differently. I hate the saying, “To heavenly minded to be any earthly good.” When we are heavenly minded, and not “holier then thou” minded, we depend on God for our next breath, we look to God for our every need, we see a lost world that needs to be loved, that needs hope, that needs a Savior.

This world is broken. Every longing we have here is meant to point us to Him. Every longing we have can only be fulfilled in Him. If we are longing for heaven then we are longing for Him. And, more then anything He wants us to long for Him, because He longs for us.

I love this song by Randy Stonehill because it speaks of the longing I’ve been talking about, a longing to be with Him.

Tell Me You’re Coming Back Soon – Randy Stonehill
Morning steals the night,
The sun breaks through the rain,
A little girl is sleeping,
While I pack to meet my plane.
Then I kneel down by her bed
And I kiss her sleepy head,
She hugs me tight,
She knows I'm going away.

CHORUS:
She says, "Tell me you're coming back soon,
Now don't forget me,
I want to be with you.
If you'll tell me you're coming back soon,
Then while you're gone,
The days won't seem so long."

I watch my little girl
And start to realize,
How God looks down from heaven,
And we're children in His eyes.
Even though we're far apart,
He left behind His heart,
Like a promise to return for us someday.

She says, "Tell me you're coming back soon,
Now don't forget me
I want to be with you.
If you'll tell me you're coming back soon,
Then while you're gone,
The days won't seem so long."

I know sometimes she feels so lost without me.
The world is such a big confusing place
And it's then I pray she'll do the things I taught her,
Remember right from wrong,
Remember daddy's face.

I know I'm going home
And hunger for that day,
Just like the Lord is waiting
And He longs to hear us say…

"Tell me you're coming back soon.
Now don't forget me,
I want to be with you.
If you'll tell me you're coming back soon,
Then while you're gone,
The days won't seem so long"

Gain and loss...

I belong to an Internet community call Board Game Geek (http://boardgamegeek.com/). A while back a member challenged us to write a 6-word memoir.

From his challenge:
Legend has it that Hemingway was once challenged to write a story in only six words. His response? “For sale: baby shoes, never worn.” SMITH Magazine re-ignited the recountrer by asking their readers for their own six-word memoirs. They sent in short life stories in droves, from the bittersweet (“Cursed with cancer, blessed with friends”) and poignant (“I still make coffee for two”) to the inspirational (“Business school? Bah! Pop music? Hurrah”). I thought it would be fun to do the same thing here at BGG. The rules are very simple: Tell us your life story in ONLY SIX WORDS. It can be whatever you want. Make it funny. Make it poignant. Make it odd. Make it sweet. It's up to you. Can you do it?

I thought long and hard on this. I wanted my memoir to speak to people. I wanted something that really meant something. I finally came up with this, “In losing much, I’ve gained more.”

I have lost a lot battling the MS. I can’t drive a car anymore or take long trips. I can’t play my guitar or cello, do crafts, or cook up something wonderful in the kitchen. Being in a wheelchair means there are many places I can’t go, including many people’s homes. I know, with the progressive nature of my illness, there are more loses to come.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not sitting around bemoaning the things I’ve lost, though I do miss them at times, and I don’t mope around anticipating what will be next. I’m just being a realist and living in the now means I have to let go and move on from the past and yet be prepared, as much has I can be, for the future.

I’ve had people, yes Christians too, get mad at me for my outlook. They think that I’m not trusting God with my future or that I’ve given up hope. When what I’ve really done is to put my hope in the right place, where it should have been all along, with God.

Let me be honest here, nothing has happened so far and nothing will happen in the future that God hasn’t already allowed in my life. Yes, even the bad stuff. Isn’t that what Romans 8:28 says -

“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28. NAS)

The bad and the good, all of it, God uses for our good, for my good, to help us obtain a better end.

But wait, there’s more – “For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren…” (Romans 8:29, NAS)

I really hate how we so easily quote Romans 8:28 without completing the thought that follows through in 8:29. Maybe it’s because we love the comfort of verse 28 and verse 29 is more of a challenge. It says that everything God allows, the good the bad and the ugly, He uses to conform use to the image of His Son. Being conformed into the image of Christ can be messy. Getting out our humanness can take work. Look what it cost Jesus.

Yes, I’ve lost a lot and I will probably continue to lose more, but in the process of losing I‘ve also gained. I'm being healed – healed in a different way – healed of selfishness, pride and perfectionism. I’m learning to find peace and stability in Christ. I’m being forced to look heavenward for what I need most, a closer walk with God. In letting go I’ve found that my hands are then empty enough to receive what He longs to give me and what He wants most for me is that I, “…be conformed to the image of His Son.”

When I was a small child, playing in the sand, one of my favorite things to do was to dig a hole and fill it with water. I enjoyed poking holes in the sandy bottom and watching the water fill them up. I’ve since realized that our lives are like that. We are a hole filled with water, God, and every time life pokes a hole in our sand, God rushes in to fill it up.

Life’s not done poking holes in my sand. It probably won’t be until I am remade in heaven, but at least I know who will fill the holes. I may not always remember that truth, but God is patient with me and I know He won’t give up.

“In losing much, I’ve gained more.” It’s only when I acknowledged what I’ve lost that I can then glory in what I have gained.

____________________________________________________________

Your turn: Think of your own 6 word memoir and post it here or email it to me. Here a few samples to get you going:

"Not quite what I was planning." - Summer Grimes
"Anything's possible with an extension cord." - Billy Sirr
"Danced in fields of infinite possibilities." - Deepak Chopra
"Objects were closer than they appeared." - Michael Grossman
"Brought it to a boil, often." - Mario Batali
"Revenge is living well. Without you." - Joyce Carol Oates
"Wasn't noticed, so I painted trains." - Mare 139
"Secret of Life: Marry an Italian." - Nora Ephron
"School geek marries a luscious cheerleader." - Christopher Clukey
"Near death experiences are my forte." - Anna Mauser-Martinez
"Never really finished anything, except cake." - Carletta Perkins

The pieces of life...

A friend of mine on FaceBook had someone tell him to stop, “…making everyone’s Facebook [his] own little scratch pad for useless comments and nonsense." Okay, wait, I thought that was what Facebook was about. It’s for sharing your life with other people: the heartache, the joy, the nonsense, and often the trivial of life. Let’s be honest, most of life IS pretty trivial, at least life on this planet.

Think about your life. How much of it is really meaningful? You sleep in the same bed. You wake to do the same basic routines you do every morning. You go through your day, with work, school, or family, and do the same thing you probably did the day before or close to it. You come home and do mostly what you do every night after work and before bed. You climb into the same bed and wake in the morning to start it all over again.

I don’t mean to depress you, and that is pretty depressing, but that is why we need to find meaning in the trivial. That’s why we need to find meaning in the monotonous and the mundane.

I once had a boss laugh at my ability to find joy in the little things. I told him, “You’ve got to find joy in the little things, because the big things don’t come along very often.” He thought that was funny, but he also died alone and an alcoholic.

God lives in the meaningful, for sure, but He really shines in the trivial. It is in the trivial where we can see Him best, because it is then that our lives are empty enough to be able to allow Him room.

Someone once said, God is a gentleman. He won’t force His way into your life, He waits to be asked. He knocks, “Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will dine with him, and he with Me (Rev. 3:20, NAS),” and then waits to be invited in.

It is in the trivial, the monotonous and the mundane that we need to find purpose. It is in those times when our heart most cries out for meaning. It is then that we can best hear His knocking. We just need to open the door to find meaning.

In a talk I gave a few years ago, I compared our lives to a stained glass window. All the pieces of glass are meaningless, pretty, but meaningless and it is only when we allow those pieces to be used for the bigger picture that God's light can shine though and create a thing of beauty. God takes all the pieces of our lives, including the trivial, the mundane, and the monotonous, puts them together into a beautiful picture and then shines through so we will be a light in a dark world.

Broken bodies...

I got an email today that spoke of a man who is mentally challenged and how he will always see the world through the eyes of a child. I’ve read this particular email before, but it got me thinking about how the disabled, mentally or physically, see the world differently.

I told you in my last post that I went to a Christian camp, for disabled adults, at the end of June. This was my fifth year attending. I have learned so much from the people I have met at these camps.

I haven't always been in this wheelchair. I've married and had children, but many of these people have been disabled from birth and have not been able to marry or have children. One man, a good friend of mine, was a healthy, normal teenager, until some boys beat him up bad enough that there was permanent brain damage. This man is a great example to me. He has every reason to be bitter, angry, and disappointed with God and with life, but I see such determination, acceptance, and joy in him. He is such an encouragement to me, at camp and daily through the Internet.

These disabled adults have taught me many things. They have taught me to be thankful for what I have and not to dwell on what I have lost. They have taught me to not feel so self-conscious about my disability and the strange things I have to use and wear (support hose, special ankle wraps, wheelchair, catheter bottle, etc.). They have shown me acceptance, love and understanding. When I am at camp, I never feel ignored or different. They understand.

Many of the adults at camp have Cerebral Palsy. They have problems speaking and sometimes I don’t get what they are saying the first time or even the second, but they never get angry with me, they just calmly say it again until I understand. They have taught me patience and how to slow down.

I need to tell you about George. He is one of my special camp friends. I have known George since my days of working at the residence at Inspiration Ministries (then Christian League for the Handicapped) 30 years ago. George has Cerebral Palsy. He is very hard to understand, which means you really have to take the time to listen to him. He pushes himself around in his wheelchair using his feet. His movements are spastic and hard to control. And, I have never met a man so full of God’s love and so willing to share what he has with others.

George informed this year that he is 73. Imagine 73 years trapped in that body. 73 years of thoughts and feelings and insights that can’t be expressed, but George is an amazing, joyful, patient man. He gives what he can and never bemoans not being able to do more. For years, he pushed a lady around the residence. Yes, him, in his wheelchair, pushing a lady friend, in her wheelchair, because it was hard for her to do it herself.

George can no longer live at the residence. He has to be tube fed now and they can’t do that, so he had to go to a nursing home. He still comes to the residence and camp though, and he is still the amazing, joyful, patient man I have known all these years.

When George asked me to guess his age, I said 62. He got this sweet, amazed look in his eyes and laughing said, “Thank you!” (In that groaning way he has of talking). He found humor in my guessing so young. When he did that he reminded me that inside that body, that looks broken and disabled, lives a wonderful, caring, brilliant, and funny man. I can’t wait to see George in heaven, healthy and whole.

I can’t wait to see all my camp friends in heaven. We’ll laugh and dance and rejoice before the throne of God. We will praise the One who died to make us whole. Until then, we will live whole, spiritually, even as we live the present in broken bodies.

The "why" of my blogging.

Blogging. For someone my age blogging seems a little intimidating. (By the way, I’ll just let you guess my age, but here’s a hint, I unfortunately spent many a high school dance dancing to disco music.) So, the burning question is (or maybe it is just a smoldering question), what am I doing writing a blog?

I was sharing some experiences I had this summer, while attending a camp for disabled adults, with a friend. He commented that my experiences at camp, as well as living daily with degenerative Multiple Sclerosis might be something interesting and encouraging to others. I’ve thought about what he said and decided I’d give it a try.

Here is a spoiler alert - I am a Christian. I will talk about God. So, don’t ever say I didn’t warn you. The only way I could ever have made it though the last 12 years is with God’s loving arms to carry me. He has made beauty from the ashes of this illness. This Monster, a common nickname for MS, has stolen so much from me, but for everything I have lost, God has given me back so much more. Twila Paris says it so well in her song, “This Thorn” –

Thank you for this thorn embedded in my flesh,
I can feel the mystery, my spirit is made fresh.
You are sovereign still and forever wise,
I can see the miracle opening my eyes…

(Refrain)
…To a proud heart so quick to judge,
Laying down crosses and carrying grudges.
The veil has been torn
And I thank you for this thorn.

Thank you for this thorn, fellowship of pain,
Teaching me to know you more never to complain.
Thank You for this love planted in my side,
Faithful, patient, miracle opening my eyes…(refrain)

I never thought I'd say it without reservation,
But I am truly grateful for this piercing revelation,
Of a proud heart so quick to judge,
Laying down crosses and carrying grudges.
The veil has been torn,
And I thank you for this thorn.

And if You chose to take it, I will praise You,
And thank You for the healing in Your name,
But if it must remain, I thank You for Your rod,
Evidence of Father-love for a child of God.

I join You in sorrow,
So much less than You have borne,
And I thank you, really I thank You,
Lord I thank You, I thank You for this thorn.